I’m still learning. It’s what I do as a full-time high school student. Right now, I’m trying to learn about life as well as the books. There are so many decisions that I need to make, such as where I want to go, what I want to study, what I want my career to be, and if I’m doing this all right. We, as 2020 seniors, are facing a harsh reality; the senior prom, graduations, and other senior parties and activities we have looked forward to since we were little kids won’t happen. I’ve tried to come to grips with some of it, but it can still be a little difficult to deal with. With almost everyone, planning your future falls on the time of your life when high school ends, college begins, you become an adult, and when you move out, all within a few months. For us seniors of 2020, it also comes during a pandemic. Lately, I’ve been having many doubts. I wonder what this world has in store for me, I wonder if I’m doing the right thing, and I wonder if I’m on the right path. Right now, the world looks scary. And in the midst of this crisis, something in me is supposed to bloom, and I’m supposed to spread my wings and fly. This fear and worry is very real.
This year, I took a finance class, and there was a section about finding the right career. I jumped at the chance to read it, and it said to list out all of my interests, and build from there. Listing it out was easy! I know I love sharks, scuba diving, nature, the ocean, writing, quiet time, reading, photography, and public speaking. But, I start to wonder what interests and enjoyments I should pursue for a career, and what should be left as hobbies. I wonder if I should strive for a job that would be easier to get, or one that will be a big challenge to get. I get confused, worried, and scared that I will never figure it out, and I feel like time is running out. This wonder and confusion is very real.
During this time, it’s been really easy for me to feel very alone and to lose a lot of my motivation. It’s hard. However, my perception of this time in my life has been based on society’s expectations of seniors. After talking with my mom, my dad, my boyfriend, my grandparents, and other people in the same boat, my view on all this has started to change. I’ve started to realize that I don’t need to have it all figured out right now. I still struggle with an upcoming reality, and the thoughts of the future still scare me sometimes. But, this is a time to be free. This is a time to explore, keep learning, and have adventures. I’ve come to learn, and I am continuing to learn, that it is not my job to find my future, but to create my future. It is up to me. The world can be what I make it to be. It will be cruel at times and wonderful at times, but it all depends on how I approach and deal with it.
If you are a 2020 senior, it is normal to be scared, confused, worried, and feel like you don’t know what to do next. It's perfectly normal to feel alone. Just know that we can either come out of this better, worse, or the same as we were when we went in, and that choice is completely up to us. This is becoming real. In the next few months, we will start a new chapter, and we get to choose how we will approach it. These feelings of fear, worry, wonder, confusion, and loneliness are all very real. But we can also make excitement, courage, anticipation, bravery, and determination very real too. I’m still learning, and I don’t have all the answers. But I know that together, we can choose to graduate with hope instead of fear, and we can still spread our wings to a world that awaits what we have to give.
Picture taken from excelsior.edu